Being afraid of losing someone you love is not an uncommon feeling. Whether you just got into a relationship, or you’ve been in one for a long time, the fear is still present because, let’s face it: you could lose them at any time.
That’s not meant to scare anyone because, honestly, if your relationship is happy and healthy, you really have nothing to fear. Regardless, paranoia has a way of slithering into our brains, and causing us to envision horrifying scenarios where we are no longer with our loved ones.
A story from the trenches
I am *truthfully* the guiltiest of this terrible habit—I just can’t help it! After dating a couple of guys and breaking things off with them, I started dating this guy who was my everything. I pictured us together for the long haul, and we’d even picked out our future children’s names—I know, it’s cliché!
But then one Monday, I sauntered into the house, ready to begin watching a new episode of our favorite TV show, when the unexpected happened: he dumped me! I was in utter shock, to say the least. I almost couldn’t handle it.
Ever since then, I have had this fear that everybody I’m with will just get up and walk away without a second thought. To me, it feels like every person is gearing up to walk out, and I can’t handle the fear of losing them.
Ways to overcome the fear of losing someone you love
I have since realized that I have an irrational fear of losing the one I love. To help combat your deep-seated fear of abandonment, we have put together an abundance of different ways you can overcome that fear easily!
#1 Just relax; it’s natural. The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. If you have feelings for them at all, then you’re going to be upset if they were to one day walk away from you. This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship.
By realizing that it’s normal for you to have some fear over losing someone you love, you will be able to accept your feelings and work toward moving on. Losing this fear altogether is actually cause for concern, as it usually signifies an even bigger issue, such as a loss of interest in your relationship.
#2 Stop trying to control everything. There are things in your life that are going to happen, whether you want them to or not. You can’t physically stop every person who comes into your life from leaving. They will come, and they will go, without your approval.
So just let things happen. Stop worrying about it all the time and realize that you can’t control their feelings and you can’t control everything they do—no matter how much you might want to. So, just stop. Nobody likes a control freak, anyway!
#3 Get a journal. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and fears when it comes to losing someone you love may help you overcome that burden. Getting what’s on your mind on paper is a great way to relieve tension and relax a little bit.
It’s also an effective way for you to analyze just how over-the-top your fears are. Seeing your concerns on paper will help you see that maybe you need to tone it down a little bit, and that everything will be alright in the end.
#4 Communicate with your partner. One of the best ways to alleviate the fear of losing your significant other is to simply talk to them about it. If your fear is crushing you that much, then you need to let your partner know how you’re feeling. Maybe they can reassure you, and ease your pain.
I have found that, a lot of the time, there was never any reason for concern. Your partner may even be completely shocked that you’re worrying so much about something so insignificant.
#5 Enjoy your partner! One fantastic way to overcome this feeling is to just enjoy your significant other. Enjoy their company. Enjoy their personality and all the little things that make them tick. Most of the time, you’ll find yourself forgetting about any fears you had about losing them, because you’ll be too wrapped up in affection to care.
#6 Realize that you may be making things worse. It’s true. By worrying so much about losing someone, you may actually be making your current situation worse—or even driving them away. If your mind is so caught up in the idea that they’re going to flee, you might just lead them there yourself.
Once you realize that you’re actually putting the relationship in jeopardy, you may be able to overcome this silly fear rather quickly. As a result of dwelling on the worst possible outcome, you will act differently. Nothing will make the person you love want to leave more than you completely changing your attitude. That’s not who they fell in love with.
#7 Picture your life without them. I know, I know! It’s definitely not something you want to do—especially if that’s your biggest fear. But just hear me out, because it’s the most effective way *for me, anyway* to overcome this fear.
If you can imagine your life without them, and realize that you can go on, you’ll be okay, and everything will work out in the end, it’s so much easier to face the possibility of abandonment. You can face life without them just fine. Taking a few moments to picture it will definitely stop your worrying in its tracks. [Read: 9 important habits you need to learn to feel more independent]
#8 Realize that life will go on either way. Much like picturing your life without them, just realize that your life will go on with or without them. Sure, you would like to have your life continue with them, and it’s a scary thought that they might not be a part of it, but you will continue to live your life either way.
A partner doesn’t define your happiness, and a partner isn’t in control of you. You will live your life the way you want with or without them, and this mindset is definitely something that will help allay your deepest fears. [Read: 11 lessons you need to learn to survive on your own]
#9 Accept that it’s a part of life—and deal with it. This may be a harsh reality, but it’s an honest one. Losing loved ones happens on a daily basis. You’re not alone when it comes to these feelings at all. Life happens whether you want it to or not, and you will have to deal with losing people you love here and there. Loss is a part of life, and will impact you in some way some day. Accepting this reality now will send you on your way to overcoming your fear.