Why are daughters more attached to their fathers and sons to their mothers?

By Kalinda Brendah
On 16 September 2014 at 03:29

Before we can understand why such attachment happens we need to understand how the child develops his personality in his early years. After going through certain experiences the child develops certain unconscious goals that shape his life style later on.
Sigmund Freud a general pyscologist generally assumed that early in life, a young infant’s primary attachment object would be its mother because the mother fulfills the infant’s oral desires through feeding. However, he believed that the (...)

Before we can understand why such attachment happens we need to understand how the child develops his personality in his early years. After going through certain experiences the child develops certain unconscious goals that shape his life style later on.

Sigmund Freud a general pyscologist generally assumed that early in life, a young infant’s primary attachment object would be its mother because the mother fulfills the infant’s oral desires through feeding. However, he believed that the father begins to play an important role in development when the child enters the phallic stage of development, which generally occurs approximately at the age of three. According to Sigmund Freud, during the phallic stage, children begin to form an incestuous desire for their opposite-sex parent and an antagonistic rivalry with their same-sex parent. The resolution of this stage of development occurs when the child, usually at the age of six, renounces their desire for their opposite-sex parent and begins to identify with their same-sex parent.

In many families, you find daughters playing around with their fathers, sharing secrets and so on more than their mothers and vice versa to boys. Parents who talked to IGIHE emphasized the attachments in such words, Muhoza a mother of two daughters said It makes me so depressed to hear people tell me that my daughter soon will want nothing to do with me, and that all girls are daddy’s girl. However she continues saying that every parent has something to do with a child’s life”.

Kagoyire a mother of three daughters and two boys said, My daughters so loves their daddy, they do have a special bond, but so do we. They have the things they like to do and we have ours. I think little girls melt a daddy’s heart and they are more apt to give in to certain things. I have 2 sisters, we were all daddy’s girls, he could do no wrong, still can’t! But I’m extremely close with my mom as well. I love seeing my daughters’ relationship with her dad.

IGIHE consultated a pyscologist doctor in CHUK, Alex Rutagarama and explained more as to why such attachments occur he said, it depends on the stage of the child, such bonds can’t fail to happen however it is not easy to identify why it happens. Men are more playful to kids than mothers that’s why most girls are attached to their fathers , so according to that i said boys learn that mother is more forgiving of them (than dad who disciplines them) and girls learn they can get away with more with daddy (than mom who will chastize them).. Being asked if it can’t cause any harm to the child’s growth or a bad effect to the parent’s side he said it’s a normal theory in pyscology the more the child grows, the more he gives value to his parents accordingly however there are cases that happen when the love goes beyond measures and develop sexual attraction that leads to jealous where a daughter can get married to his father and a son may kill his father to marry her mother.

The different attachments can’t fail to happen and the love between parents and children is always needed however parents should limit their love and affection to children to avoid such cases, he added.

According to the views above, fathers are more playful to kids which attracts girls to be more attached to their fathers. Parents shouldn’t worry about this, all they have to do is to balance all children equally to avoid jealous among children.

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