A single date and life story to be entitled to relationship!

By Zaninka Umutesi
On 14 February 2023 at 12:25

You had a great first date with someone, they shared their entire life story and it was a real tear-jerker. Their actions the next morning indicate that they are automatically in a relationship given what they have shared.

Some people consider opening up quickly as a good sign indicating trustworthiness and willingness to let you in their secrets.

Others consider it a bright red flag for someone to share everything, on a first date.

This is a sign of someone looking for sympathy to manipulate a date in their favor, especially if it is a heart-wrenching story.

As your date opens up to you about their life story, it can be tempting to offer up some form of consolation, even if you do not know what to say.

This can make it look okay to quickly cross the line into a comforting territory. That is when things can get complicated.

Their story might tag at your heart and blind you from making independent conclusions from the date overall.

Nevertheless, it is necessary to remember that just because someone opens up to you does not mean you are obligated to do anything.

Having someone bombard you with a lot of personal information can make you feel special and emotionally drained at the same time.

It can be hard to set boundaries during some conversations. You may feel like you are hurting the other person’s feelings or being unfair.

Clear your head and think about the date overall. Did you like their personality? Were they respectful to you and the people around you? Were they interested in what you had to say?

Not all stories shared are unfortunate, they can be very happy and loving. Your date might tell you how their parents stayed together for years and how that’s their goal but still have nothing in common with you.

As beautiful as their dream might be, think about it, maybe they stayed together but their relationship was toxic.

It’s important to remember that your date is still entitled to their feelings, no matter how heartbreaking their story may be.

We narrate stories from our point of view, which is why whether happy or sad, you should not make a decision to base a relationship on somebody’s life story.

Keep in mind that some people will happily share their life stories as a way to excuse their behavior in the future.

On your first date, a man tells you about his father beating his mother, in any case, if he does it, he’ll already have warned you, and it could also mean that he’s depressed depending on how he processed these events.

As a woman speaks about having witnessed her father cheat on her mother growing up unless healed, she is likely to mistrust, avoid getting attached, or detach quickly if you make any mistake.

After this, if things don’t work out, be sure to express your feelings honestly and respectfully as well. There’s no need for drama, but a little bit of closure can go a long way.

Let your date know that you have heard them and that you’re there for them if you want to, but will not feel pressured into anything you’re not ready for.

It’s easy to feel guilty in this situation because they have opened up and shared something and it made you feel obligated to repay, but it is necessary to remember that your feelings are just as valid as theirs.

The best course of action could be to try and explain your feelings in a non-confrontational way and listen if they want to talk about it or you could end up being part of their next date story.

Understand that they may not understand, and it might not even end on the best terms, but that is okay!

It’s important to remember that being empathetic and understanding of other people’s feelings doesn’t mean you owe them anything in return.

It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your emotional well-being. You don’t have to continue talking to someone who makes you uncomfortable, no matter how close you got on the first date.