Has your relationship come to an end but you don’t know how to end it because it is the festive season?

By Zaninka Umutesi
On 6 December 2022 at 10:02

Some people can’t really decide to end their relationship or wait until the festive season is over so you are not alone during Christmas, New Year’s festivities and not forgetting how quick Valentine Day comes.

Instead of officially breaking up with someone during this season, they do what I like to call a ’mental breakup’, which includes ignoring your texts, calls or invites for a long period of time.

Anna Ihogoza, is a young girl who has experienced this ’mental breakup’ around this time in 2021. She says that it was among the most hurtful memories since she did not know she was single for two months.

"He ignored me for months, I texted, called but my efforts ended to no avail. I knew he had seasonal depression so I just assumed he was depressed and needed some time," recounts Ihogoza.

Two days before Christmas, she bumped into his sister as she was shopping. She said that her brother was doing great, even happy. At that moment, the puzzles started to put themselves in place.

Ihogoza refused to jump to any conclusion, so she decided to ask him what was going on soon since they’d go to the same church for Christmas.

What she did not count on was that he would also ignore her the whole time.

Anytime she tried to get his attention, he would cut her off and go talk to other people.

Ihogoza’s family had planned to go out, but she was miserable the whole time they were out.

"Now I look at the pictures of that day and all I can see is the sadness, my hand on my cheek, misery in my eyes and a perfectly good family moment ruined," she says.

"He broke up with me three days after Christmas, after I had begged him to meet up so we could talk, something he could have done two months before and saved my tears," adds Ihogoza.

There are different reasons a person might feel the need to want a breakup during the holiday.

Receiving texts, or calls from people we never expected, which in one or another makes us feel extra special because we start thinking we can do better than our current partners.

Another reason for this might be the 10% over 90% rule, looking at other people and seeing the 10% quality that your partner does not have and ignoring the ninety that he/she already has.

If your new love interest or the person courting you is buying you gifts, taking you out, they listen to you, and care for you.

A fear of commitment also comes into play, the thought of starting a year with the same person.

The knowledge that the relationship might have to take another step can be a major reason that would make a person to break up.

Sometimes, it is for the best to break up in cases where the relationship does not meet your needs.

If it is dysfunctional, or abusive; either physically, mentally or emotionally and sometimes people just want to grow as people, including their careers.

Gloria Aronah, a trauma healing counselor advises couples to really think about their decision.

This is to avoid the ’sorry, can we get back together?’ texts after the holidays.

“At the end of the day, it is your relationship no one should tell you whether you should break up or stay together," says Aronah.

She explains that if a person feels ready to end the relationship, they should not be stopped by the season because the rest might turn into traumas that are expensive and time consuming to heal.

In the case of Anna, her boyfriend told her directly when he was ready to break up with her.

Or had she accepted the hints, she would have probably suffered a little less and probably enjoyed her Christmas a little more.

Break-ups hurt no matter what time of the year it is, we cannot control that.

We can however control how we break-up with someone, with honesty and sympathy.

Avoid manipulation tactics, do not act-out, ignoring their texts and calls in hopes that your partner will get tired and decide to leave you.

Be straightforward, not rude; treat your partner how you would want to be treated, remember that they’ll be vulnerable and they will most likely take what you say to heart.

Besides, a face to face conversation is always better than a text message. No matter how nice the text is, it means more that you take time out of your schedule and tell your partner in person how you feel.

Break-ups hurt no matter what time of the year it is. Illustration by Pixabay